Revisiting the Past
by miaajohanna
Summary: Erin Lindsay has finally made a new life for herself, one that she's proud of. But what happens when someone from her past unexpectedly comes back into her life and forces her to confront everything she has tried for so long to forget about? (A Chicago PD story)
1. Chapter 1

It had been a long shift, leaving Erin exhausted and eager to return to her apartment for some much needed rest. While her car was in the shop getting repairs, Jay had offered to drive her home after shift, so she sat down at her desk, waiting for Jay.

"You ready to go?" Jay called out to her, strolling up the stairs.

"Yup, I'm all set," she responded, more than ready to enjoy a weekend away from work. Together, they began walking toward Jay's car.

"So, that was some shift today, huh? I mean, with Adam nearly getting hit by a bullet and you tackling a man twice your size," Jay laughed, remembering the petite brunette climbing onto the back of the large suspect, bringing him to the ground. Erin smiled at her partner, proud she had played a large role in their successful day. Jay was just about to say something else when he noticed Erin's expression immediately change from one of simple happiness to one of harrowing shock. Before he could ask her if she was OK, a woman who appeared to be in her late fifties began approaching them.

"Erin?" the woman called out, more as a question than a greeting. Jay instinctively looked at his partner, who had now stopped walking and was just glaring at this woman. It was obvious they had a history together, but Jay was certain he had never seen her around before.

"Oh, Erin!" the woman exclaimed happily, taking Erin's behavior toward her as an indication that it was in fact her. She began walking faster toward Erin, extending her arms out for a hug.

Erin immediately responded by taking a step backward. "Don't," she replied, putting a hand out in front of her to create a barrier between the two women.

The woman's smile quickly dropped, showing her disappointment in Erin's reaction. "C'mon, Erin please talk to me." She paused. "Don't you think I at least deserve a chance to explain myself?"

"Deserve?" Erin asked, her body filling with rage. "I don't owe you anything, and you certainly do not deserve a second of my time," she continued, her voice rising. "Let's go Jay," she ordered, grabbing his arm and pulling him toward his car. Jay followed hesitantly, glancing back over his shoulder to see the woman brush her hand through her hair, uncertain what to do next.

"Please Erin, don't do this to me!" she pleaded desperately, just as Erin opened the door to Jay's car. Erin took one last look at her, shook her head softly, and then sat down in Jay's car. After they both had shut the door, Jay looked over at his partner, her hands shaking and her breathing uneven.

"What the hell was that?" Jay questioned, completely taken aback by the conversation he had just witnessed.

Erin looked Jay directly in the eyes, contemplating whether or not to tell him the truth. She looked away and sighed audibly. Just as Jay was beginning to give up hope that Erin would tell him who it was, she whispered barely loud enough for him to hear, "my mom."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who commented, followed, or favorited! This is my first fanfic, so I'm still trying to figure out what works and what doesn't, so your comments are greatly appreciated. To address two comments I got, I will be including both flashbacks and Linstead moments. I hope to continue to update at least twice a week, as long as people continue to seem interested. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Jay stared blankly in front of him, stunned silent by Erin's whispered response. Meanwhile, Erin herself could hardly believe she had let those two words escape her lips. The two of them sat in silence for a while, neither truly aware of the time passing by. Eventually, Erin spoke up, her quiet voice just enough to pierce through the overwhelming silence that had settled inside the car. "Um Jay," she said, her eyes nervously drifting toward where he sat unmoving, "could you please take me home now?"

Her question dragged Jay out of his state of shock. "Uh…yeah…yeah…of course," he stuttered, visibly unnerved by what had just transpired. Jay started the car and the two rode the rest of the way to Erin's house without exchanging another word. As Jay pulled up outside Erin's apartment, she quickly thanked Jay for the ride and headed inside, leaving Jay alone to process what he had just witnessed.

* * *

Needing something to take the edge off, Erin headed straight for her fridge and grabbed herself a chilled beer. Once she was seated comfortably on her couch, she finally allowed her mind to wander and try to figure out what to do with the knowledge that her mother was back in town. On the one hand, Erin despised her mother. Her mother had failed miserably at being a parent, giving Erin a childhood no kid should ever have to endure. Her mistakes and poor decisions are largely what led Erin to Charlie, and ultimately on a downward spiral filled with crime and drugs. Had Voight not stepped in when he had, Erin had no doubt in her mind that she would be dead by now, unmissed and quickly forgotten. But on the other hand, Erin knew that deep down she needed some form of closure with her past life, something that only her mother could truly offer her. For the rest of the night, Erin's mind shifted constantly between wanting to avoid her mother at all costs and wanting to confront her mother about everything that had happened.

* * *

The next day at work, Erin headed straight to her desk, not in the mood for any cheery greetings or lighthearted bantering with her coworkers. She tried her best to focus on her team's case, but her mind kept slipping elsewhere, dwelling on the knowledge that her mother was in the area.

Jay had been watching Erin closely all day, monitoring her facial expressions and body language, desperate to get an idea of where she was at mentally. Several times, he caught her staring out the window, tuning out Voight as he brought the team up to speed on the latest case. And with every passing hour, as she began to act less and less like her typical confident, playful self, Jay grew increasingly worried. He knew he had to talk to her to find out how she was really doing; but, Jay knew as well as anybody, when someone brings up Erin's past, her demeanor changes instantly and she quickly changes the subject. Jay figured he at least had to give it a shot, since no one else was aware of the situation at hand. So, at the end of their shift as Erin headed down to the locker room to grab her things, Jay took the opportunity to approach her.

"Hey," he called out, trying, but failing to hide the worry in his voice.

"Hi," she responded, waiting for him to continue.

"Listen, I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I've noticed you've been a little off today and I assume it's because of what happened yesterday. I just want to make sure that you're OK and you know if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm all ears."

She didn't say anything at first, instead just looking down at her hands, as if to consider taking Jay's offer. "Thanks," she answered, after having made up her mind, "but I'm good."

* * *

When Erin arrived home that night, she wondered if she should have confided in Jay. _Maybe he could help, _she thought. _No, I can't bring him into this mess_, she decided, shaking the thought away. Besides, she hadn't seen her mother since that incident, so maybe she would realize that Erin wanted nothing to do with her and go right back to being the absentee mother she always had been. Optimistic this would be the case, Erin walked over to her window ready to close the blinds and call it a night. But before Erin could do so, she spotted a dark figure leaning against a brick wall across the street. Erin's heart dropped in her chest, as she realized that her mother was watching her from outside. _She must have followed me home_, thought Erin, criticizing herself for not having been more careful. Slowly Erin backed away from the window, understanding that if her mother knew where she lived, then this was far from being over.


	3. Chapter 3

_Erin was only six when her father was arrested and her life changed drastically. Prior to the arrest, Erin's life had been bearable; it was nothing special or anything that made her really appreciative of the life she had, but she had just enough to get by on. Her dad had worked hard to ensure that there was always something for her to eat and a roof over her head._

_The night everything changed, Erin was awoken by the sound of stifled sobs coming from her parents' bedroom. She knew she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep until she knew what was causing her mother's pain. So she quietly got out of bed and walked the short distance down the hall to her parents' bedroom. _

_"Mom?" she called out softly as she pushed the door open. Not hearing Erin come in, her mother continued to sob violently as she sat on the floor in front of her bed, her body shaking and her head buried in her hands. "Mom?" Erin asked again. This time, her mother heard her and instantly turned her head to face her daughter. Erin had never seen her mom like this, her cheeks were stained black from her mascara and her face was red and swollen, like she had been crying for a long time. But the thing that really frightened Erin was the look in her mother's eyes. It was as if the life had been sucked out of them entirely. The warmth once carried by her bright blue eyes now replaced by a look of pure emptiness. _

_Terrified of the answer, but at the same time needing to know what had happened, Erin gently asked her mother what was wrong. Her mom locked eyes with Erin for a brief moment, before shifting her eyes to the ground. "He's gone…" she began. "Your father...he….he's been arrested," she managed to get out between sobs. "It's just us two now."_

* * *

The sound of her alarm going off abruptly brought Erin out of her sleep. "Ugh," she groaned as she rolled over to shut it off. She had only gotten a mere four hours of sleep, the image of her mother standing outside her apartment keeping her awake. After quickly scrambling around her apartment to get ready, she headed out the door for work.

Before she could head upstairs to her desk, she was stopped by the sound of Sergeant Platt's voice calling for her. "Hey Erin. Some woman stopped by asking for you earlier. She said she couldn't wait, but she left a note for you. Said you would know who she was."

Erin froze. She could feel Platt's eyes staring at her, but she couldn't will her body to move. Her mind was racing and her stomach dropped. "Hey, you okay?" Platt asked worriedly, pulling Erin out of her trance. "What? Oh, um….yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." Erin replied as she took the note from Platt's hand. She stuffed the note in her pocket, took a deep breath, and headed upstairs.

"Good morning," Ruzek greeted her cheerfully. Erin managed a small smile as she walked into the coffee room. After checking to make sure no one was coming in, Erin pulled out the note.

_Erin, I'm sorry if I scared you the other day. I didn't mean to take you by surprise. I just had to see you in person. Call me when you're ready to talk. My number is 756-281-9923. I miss you._

Erin just stared at the piece of paper, re-reading the last three words over and over again. _How dare she say she misses me_, Erin thought to herself. _She's the one who abandoned me!_ Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming down the hall. Just as Erin was shoving the note back into her pocket, Jay walked in, a smile plastered on his face. "Hello," he said as he made his way over to the coffee machine. "Would you like a cup?" When she didn't respond, he turned around and noticed she seemed a little out of it. "Hey Erin, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she responded. "I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night, you know how that is."

"Uh huh," he answered, clearly not satisfied with her excuse.

"Well, anyways, we should probably get started," she said, not giving him the opportunity to ask anymore questions. He followed her out to sit with the others, but made a mental note to keep an eye on her for the day.

"Okay everyone, listen up. So a body was found in an alley this morning," Voight began. We have reason to believe it's linked to the string of murders associated with the recent gang conflicts over drug territory. Dawson and Atwater, I want you to head over there and get all the details you can about the crime scene. Lindsay and Halstead, I want you to talk to the mother of the victim and Olinsky and Ruzek, see if you can get any info from our CI's."

Everyone left to do as they were told. Jay grabbed the keys for their patrol car and Erin followed him outside. Jay walked over to the driver's seat, waiting for Erin to make some comment about how he belonged in the passenger's seat. But the comment never came. The two drove in silence, Erin staring blankly out the window. After about fifteen minutes, Jay pulled up outside the small, run-down house. The two walked up to the front door and Jay began knocking loudly. A petite, older woman opened the door, looking visibly distraught.

"Hello, Ms. Evans. This is Detective Lindsay and I'm Detective Halstead. If you don't mind, we have a couple questions for you regarding your son."

Ms. Evans opened the door wider and motioned for them to come inside, "I'll do whatever I can to help find whoever killed my baby." She led Jay and Erin to her living room, where they could all sit down.

"Ms. Evans, we have reason to believe that your son's murder is based on his involvement with a gang. Were you aware at all of his participation in any gangs?" Jay started.

"I told him to stay away from them!" she cried. "But he was just so stubborn, he refused to listen to anything I had to say. I couldn't even tell you how many times I tried to get him to leave them. Oh, I knew they were bad news. I should have done more. I'm his mother, I was supposed to protect him…" she trailed off, shaking her head.

Jay looked to Erin as this was normally when she would interject the conversation. But she remained silent, her eyes focused on her hands in her lap. She stayed like that for the rest of the interview, Jay carrying the entire conversation by himself. When he decided he had all the information he needed, he thanked Ms. Evans for her time and walked out to the car. A few minutes into the drive, Jay decided he had to say something to Erin. "What was up with you back there? You usually do the majority of the talking during these things."

"Nothing," she stated blankly. "I just didn't have anything to add." Jay wasn't sure if it was because they had been talking specifically to a mother or because her mind was just too preoccupied to begin with, but he knew that Erin's mother's surprise appearance was the reason she was acting so strangely.

"Do you want to talk about her?" he asked, hoping she would finally open up to him.

Surprised by his directness, Erin was unsure of what to say. "No, I…" she began. "I have nothing to say about her. Please just drop it," she finished coldly.

But Jay knew he couldn't drop it. As her partner, he was worried for her safety. With Erin's head not focused on work, she could get seriously hurt. This job was simply too risky for people to not be fully present. And as her friend, he was worried that her mother's return was bringing up too many negative memories of her past, and keeping it a secret was taking a huge toll on her emotionally. He decided he had to do something. He didn't know enough about Erin's past to know how her mother played into all of it. But he knew someone who did. And if she wouldn't talk to Jay about her mother, he figured she would maybe talk to him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys! I'm sorry it's been so long since I last updated, but it's my last week of high school, so things have been really hectic. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and please comment to tell me what you think!**

* * *

_It had been four years since her father had been sent to prison. In that time, Erin had watched her mother slowly deteriorate into an almost unrecognizable person. The woman who once walked Erin to school, holding her hand the entire time, and tucked Erin in at night, sometimes even reading her a quick story, was long gone. Replacing her was a woman who resented her daughter, seeing her only as a constant reminder of the husband no longer in her life. And this woman was not shy in letting Erin know exactly how she felt. _

_On one particular Friday, Erin walked home from school alone, desperate to find some food to eat. She wasn't surprised to come home to an empty house, nor was she surprised to find that the amount of empty alcohol bottles scattered around the living room had grown substantially since she had left for school that morning. Stepping over a beer bottle lying right in front of the door, Erin walked toward the kitchen. She opened the fridge simply out of habit, knowing that she would probably never come home to a full fridge again. She sighed at the now customary empty shelves she saw every day. She clutched her stomach in pain, wondering how much longer she could possibly go without food. It had been 36 hours since the last time she ate. She knew even if she waited for her mom to get home, the chances of her being sober enough to actually go out and buy some food were slim to none. Just then, her stomach growled loudly, as if it were agreeing that waiting for food was simply not an option._

_So, Erin grabbed her jacket off the coat rack and walked the half-mile to the local convenience store. She walked through the aisles nervously, eying the video cameras set up on opposite ends of the store. Once she reached the aisle where the bread was kept, she stopped and glanced around her to make sure no one was looking. Hands shaking, she tucked a loaf of bread under her jacket and briskly walked to the exit, eyes focused straight ahead. Just as she pushed the door open to exit the store, she heard the guy standing behind the cash register yell out at her. "Hey kid, stop! You can't just take that!" Instinctively, she took off into a sprint, glancing over her shoulder to make sure he hadn't followed her outside. Once she got to her apartment building, she slowed her pace, her breathing heavy and her heart pounding in her chest. She looked down at her hands filled with guilt for what she had just done. She couldn't believe she had actually gone through with it. But her hunger had finally outweighed her sense of morality and so she ripped off a piece of bread and began to eat._

* * *

It was six o'clock when Erin's shift ended. She quickly collected her things and walked directly outside to her car, not wanting to have to face Halstead again after their awkward morning together. She felt bad for having snapped at him. She knew he was only trying to help, but her past was something that she had always been so protective over. Very few people knew about it, and she wanted to keep it that way. Because every time she opens up about her past to someone, she has to relive it, even if only for a brief moment, and that makes it much harder for her to forget about.

Once Erin reached her car, she sat in the front seat and pulled out the note Sgt. Platt had given her. She had been debating whether or not to call her mom all day. Eventually, she decided it would just be easier to face her mom and get it over with, than to have the uncertainty of what her mom wants or what she will do next haunt her throughout every moment of the day.

After taking a deep breath, she pulled out her phone and dialed the number scribbled on the piece of paper. She didn't even realize she had been holding her breath as she listened anxiously to the line ringing on the other end.

"Hello?" the woman answered the phone.

"It's Erin," Lindsay responded, bypassing a greeting altogether.

"Oh, Erin! I'm so glad…"

"Look," Erin interrupted. "If you want to talk, meet me at the Broadway Diner at nine tonight." She quickly hung up the phone, before her mother had the chance to respond.

* * *

Erin sat at the back of the diner, swirling her spoon around inside her cup of coffee. Her eyes shifted to look at the clock on the front wall. 9:15 it read. Her patience was wavering, and she was just about to get up and leave when the door creaked open and in walked her mother. Their eyes met for a brief moment, and the older woman smiled before walking toward Erin.

"Hello, Erin," she greeted her cheerfully.

"Ava," Erin replied coldly, addressing her mother by her first name. "You wanted to talk, so let's hear it."

Her mother shifted uncomfortably in her seat, not expecting Erin to be so standoffish. "Well, I… I just wanted to see my daughter again. It's been so long, and …"

"Thirteen years," Erin interrupted. "It's been thirteen years."

"Yes, I know, and I'm so sorry about that. I know I failed you as a mother. I should have been there for you, but I just, I couldn't handle it all. With your father being taken away, and me being all on my own, it was just so much."

"If you came here expecting me to feel sorry for you, you might as well just leave now," Erin stated unsympathetically.

"No. No, that's not what I want. I didn't come here to beg forgiveness. I came back because I want us to be a family again. I want to be a part of your life, Erin. You're the only good thing that's ever happened to me."

Erin rolled her eyes. "Good thing? You do not get to say that to me. After all those years of you telling me I was worthless, that I was just some stupid mistake that you wished you could take back!" she could feel her voice rising, but she kept going. "Do you have any idea what it's like to live with a mother who can't even look at you, she hates you so much? Or how about to be completely neglected from the age of six by a mother who would rather spend all her money on alcohol so she can numb herself from the world, instead of feeding her own daughter?"

"I'm so sorry for all of that, Erin, I really am. I never meant to hurt you like that, but you have to understand I was an alcoholic then. But I'm not anymore. I'm better now. And I'm ready to be a part of your life again."

"Great," she scoffed. "You're ready now. Now that I'm finally in a good place and happy with my life. Well you know what? I don't need you messing up everything good in my life again. I'm doing just fine without you, and that's how it's going to stay."

Erin pulled a few bills out of her wallet and placed them on the table, then grabbed her bag and walked right out of the diner. She held her composure on the way out, but as soon as she sat down in her car, the tears started to fall from her eyes, and she let them. She buried her face in her hands and soon she was sobbing uncontrollably. The emotions from her mother's return had been building up inside her over the last few days, and she needed to release them. So, she stayed there and cried alone in the comfort of her car, until she had no more tears left to give.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys. Thanks to everyone who's still reading my story. The reviews have pretty much stopped, so I'm not sure if I'm going to continue with this story or not. So please, if you want me to continue updating, leave me a review saying so. Thanks!**

* * *

Jay eagerly strode up the stairs of the station, taking two at a time. He had spent the entire night figuring out what he was going to say to Voight about Erin and her mom's sudden return. It was now ten minutes before his shift was scheduled to begin, and he was hopeful he would be able to catch Voight before the rest of the team arrived. Just as he was about to knock on Voight's office door, he saw Voight through the window, holding a phone up to his ear. Disappointed, Jay let out a sigh and headed back to his desk. As the minutes slowly passed by, his team members began trickling in, one-by-one. Erin was the last to arrive, quietly sliding into the upstairs office, going unnoticed by everyone around her. But Jay noticed her. He could see how exhausted she looked, her freshly applied make-up unable to mask the dark circles forming under her eyes. Every day, she seemed a little less like herself, and Jay couldn't stop the worry from growing in his mind.

Jay stood up to try and speak to Voight once more before the day really began. But before he had even reached Voight's office, Hank briskly walked out into the open area, waving his phone around in the air.

"I just got a call from my CI that the Juarez crew is getting a new load of dope today via some buses. It's scheduled to arrive at a warehouse downtown in an hour. Let's head out!"

He grabbed his vest and gun and started down the stairs, the rest of the team following his lead. Everyone split up and got into their respective cars and sped off to the location Voight had given them. Erin and Jay rode in their now customary silence, Jay not even bothering to ask Erin how she was doing today. Once they arrived at the warehouse, they parked out of view and waited for Voight to give additional instructions.

"Alright everyone," Voight's gravely voice boomed from the walkie-talkie Jay was holding. "They should be here in just a few minutes. As soon as we see the buses roll up, we wait for them to guide the buses inside. Once they're all out of sight, I want Olinsky, Ruzek, and Dawson to secure the area and take down everyone surrounding the buses. Lindsay and Halstead, I want you two to make sure there are no other people wandering around in the warehouse. And remember, these guys are dangerous. Expect everyone to be armed."

After about fifteen minutes, two big black buses pulled up right outside of the warehouse. Jay pulled out a pair of binoculars to get a better look at the action. Two men came outside and directed the buses into the warehouse, through the garage. As soon as they were all inside, Erin and Jay got out of their car and began walking toward the warehouse, holding their gun out in front of them. As the rest of the team headed toward the garage, Erin and Jay diverged and began walking toward the back of the warehouse. Once they reached the back, Erin tried to push the door open, but it was bolted shut. Without any hesitation, Jay shot the lock off and the two headed inside. Jay went first, Erin following closely behind.

After walking through a series of empty hallways, they reached a spot where the hallway split off into two different directions and decided to separate, Jay going left, Erin going right. Erin skillfully maneuvered through the building, clearing every room she passed. Everything was empty, all the people seemingly off in the garage. But as soon as Erin entered the second-to-last room, she noticed movement in the far left corner.

"Chicago PD. Drop your weapons and put your hands up!" she screamed. The man began reaching for his gun, but Erin was faster. She aimed her weapon and pulled the trigger, but nothing came out. As the realization that she had forgotten to load her gun washed over her, she looked at the man across the room, her eyes wide with fear. Before she had a chance to move, the man fired off several bullets in her direction. The force of the impact sent Erin flying backwards and left her gasping for air. It wasn't until after the man took off out of the room that she felt blood trickling down her right arm. "Crap," she muttered to herself as she realized she had been hit in the shoulder. The blood continued pooling around her arm and soon the pain grew to become unbearable. Erin forced her eyes shut, willing her mind to block out the pain.

* * *

After hearing a series of shots being fired in the direction Erin had headed, Jay instinctively took off in a sprint toward her. Fear pulsed through his veins as he raced to find Erin. When he finally found her, he felt his heart drop in his chest at the sight of the blood surrounding her lifeless body.

"Oh God, no. Please, Erin, stay with me," he begged as he knelt down beside her. "Shots fired. Officer down. Send backup," Jay called into his walkie-talkie, the worry in his voice unmistakable. He pressed both of his hands onto her shoulder, applying as much pressure to the wound as he could. "C'mon, Erin. I need you to stay awake," he continued pleading.

Erin's eyes fluttered open for just a second as she looked up at her partner. "I'm sorry, Jay," she whispered, right before she drifted unconscious.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry it's been so long since the last update. The next one will be a lot faster. Thanks to Dangerpineapple and Kelon for the reviews!**

* * *

The rest of the team had just finished arresting everyone surrounding the buses. Voight was starting to get worried when he realized that Lindsay and Halstead had not yet returned from inside the warehouse. "Ok we're good out here. Dawson, I want you to go inside and check on Halstead and Lindsay. Ruzek, go with him just to be safe. I'm gonna bring these guys back to the precinct." Dawson nodded and began walking in the direction Erin and Jay had gone, Ruzek following close behind. They slowly started walking through the corridors, calling out for their partners. "Jay, Erin, where are you?" Ruzek shouted down the dimly lit hallway. After continuously repeating their names, they suddenly heard movement a little ways down the hall. Again, Ruzek called out, "Jay? Erin?"

"Over here!" Jay screamed back, his voice full of urgency. "Erin was shot, hurry!"

Adam and Antonio glanced at one another as they registered Jay's last sentence. The two took off in a sprint toward Jay's voice, desperate to get to Erin in time. "In here!" Jay called as he heard footsteps approach. Antonio got there first, stopping abruptly the moment he caught sight of Erin. "What the hell, man?" Ruzek asked, his annoyance evident as he bumped into Antonio, who was now blocking the doorway. But before Antonio could respond, Ruzek caught a glimpse of Erin laying in a pool of her own blood, her face drained of all its color. "Oh…" Ruzek said to himself, now understanding why Antonio had stopped so suddenly.

"I need one of you to call 911 immediately. I couldn't because I've been trying to stop the bleeding in her shoulder, but she just lost consciousness and the bleeding won't stop…" Jay trailed off, not wanting to finish his thought. Jay's request immediately pulled Antonio out of his trance and he quickly dialed 911 from his phone.

"Hello, yes. We have an officer down on 419 Dover St.. She was shot in her shoulder and has lost consciousness. Please hurry." Antonio finished the call and looked at Jay, who was still trying desperately to stop the bleeding from Erin's shoulder. "What can I do?"

"Uh, well someone should go tell the rest of the team and then guide the paramedics here once they arrive," Jay responded.

"I got it," Ruzek answered, before quickly stepping out of the room.

Dawson kneeled down next to Jay and gently placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "She's gonna be okay, buddy. She's tough. She'll get through this."

Jay looked up at his friend, wanting to believe he was right. But he wasn't so sure. He knew this was bad, really bad.

Moments later, their silence was interrupted by Ruzek's voice booming down the hall, "in here!" Leslie Shay and Gabriela Dawson entered the room, first-aid bags in hand. "Oh God," Shay gasped, louder than she had intended to, upon seeing Lindsay's current state. The two had become good friends over the past several months. Initially, they had spent a lot of time together because she had dated Kelly. But once the two split, Shay and Lindsay had remained good friends, realizing they truly enjoyed one another's company. "What happened?" Dawson asked, bringing Shay out of her thoughts.

"I don't know. I was just down the hall when I heard shots being fired. So, I rushed over here to find her laying on the floor, no one else in sight. I tried to stop the bleeding from her shoulder as much as possible, but she had already lost a lot of blood," Jay answered.

"Okay, was she shot anywhere else?"

"I'm not sure. I... I didn't even think about that possibility," Jay responded, angry with himself for not thinking clearly in the situation.

Dawson began unzipping Lindsay's vest and inspecting it for any bullet holes. "Looks like she was hit twice in the chest, but the vest stopped them both. She lifted up Erin's shirt to validate her thought. The beginnings of bruises were starting to form, but there was no blood. "She was lucky the bullets didn't make it through the vest all the way, but the impact probably caused some internal damage. We need to get her to a hospital immediately. Shay gently placed a brace around her neck and helped Dawson to lift her onto the backboard and then up on the gurney. "Okay, let's move." They wheeled her outside and quickly began loading her onto the ambulance. "You coming?" Shay asked Halstead, who had hesitated behind the ambulance, unsure of what to do next.

Halstead jumped into the back of the ambulance in response, Dawson closing the doors behind him. Shay quickly sped off in the direction of the hospital. Jay looked down at Erin, knowing if she didn't make it through this, he would never forgive himself for having left her alone.


	7. Chapter 7

The ride to the hospital took less than five minutes, but for Jay it felt like an eternity. He spent the entire ride petrified that Erin would slip away from him, that her heart would suddenly stop beating or that her lungs would just quit breathing altogether. She looked so fragile lying on the stretcher, her face a sickly pale color and her side buried beneath layers of gauze. He was so used to seeing Erin as the strong and fiercely independent detective, whose killer shot would put his to shame. So seeing her so weak and vulnerable pushed Jay's mind to imagine the worst.

The moment the ambulance pulled up to the hospital, Erin was whisked away to the emergency room and Jay was left alone to wait. His mind was racing too fast for him to sit still, so Jay opted against the waiting room, instead pacing back and forth in the hallway directly next to it.

All he could think about was how he shouldn't have let Erin go down that hallway without him. He was the only person who knew that Erin's mother was back and so the only one who knew that she wasn't in the right state of mind to be participating in drug busts. And yet he had let her go down that hallway by herself…

"Where is she?" Voight's voice commanded the attention of everyone in the room, causing Jay to move over to the waiting room. "Where is Erin Lindsay?" Voight was now screaming at the woman behind the desk, who was desperately trying to get him to calm down. "Sir, Erin Lindsay is currently in surgery. You are going to have to wait over there, for now," she spoke calmly, motioning over to where Halstead was standing.

Voight shifted his eyes over to the waiting room, noticing Halstead for the first time. "You!" Voight shouted angrily as he stormed across the room. "This is all your fault! You were supposed to be watching out for her, not checking out some other room down the hall!" Voight was now holding Jay by the collar of his shirt, screaming directly into his face.

"Hey, hey. Stop!" Olinsky called out as he made his way into the hospital, followed by the rest of the unit. Voight loosened his grip on Jay's shirt, before reluctantly letting go of it altogether. Before Voight could change his mind and go at Jay again, Olinsky led him to a seat on the far side of the waiting room.

Antonio walked up to Jay, placing a hand on his back reassuringly, "you alright, man?" Satisfied with Jay's small nod, he guided Jay to a seat as far away from Voight as possible. Ruzek and Atwater sat together in the middle of the waiting room, not wanting to get involved in the drama that was unfolding before them.

As the hours passed by, Jay sat in silence, waiting for news on his partner. He couldn't imagine a world without her. A world where he wouldn't have anyone to joke around with to relieve some of the stress of his crazy job or a world where he never had to fight for the ability to drive a car on duty. He didn't want that world. He wanted this world, the one where Erin Lindsay's smile instantly brightens his day and he spends more time thinking about her than he would care to admit. No, he decided. He couldn't do this without her. _He needed Erin._

Not long after, a nurse appeared, calling out for Erin Lindsay. The whole team stood at the sound of their colleague's name, desperate to hear about her current condition. "Ms. Lindsay is currently stable," the nurse began, followed by a collective sigh of relief. "The bullet that went through her shoulder hit an artery, which is what was responsible for all the bleeding. However, we were able to repair the damage and with enough time and the right physical therapy, she should gain full mobility in her arm." The nurse paused for a moment to let everyone take in the news before continuing. "She was also hit twice in her chest, but those bullets were fortunately stopped by her vest. She was very lucky to avoid any major internal damage from the impact, but she did suffer a significant amount of bruising in that area, and so she will be very sore for several days. We have now moved her into her own room and so you may visit her if you wish."

Voight took a step forward, wanting to be the first one to see her. But before Voight had a chance to say anything, a dark-haired woman spoke up from behind him, "I would like to see her please." Jay hadn't seen her come in, he had been so distracted by his own thoughts. But now that he saw her, he recognized her instantly. Everyone else in the unit turned around to look at her, shocked to discover she was here for Erin.

"I'm her mother," the woman finished, ignoring the glares and looks of confusion she was receiving.

"Follow me," the nurse instructed, guiding the woman out of the waiting room.


End file.
